Notes on Radical Honesty

I found myself agreeing with lots of the ideas and starting points of much in the Radical Honesty book, but disagreeing strongly with the conclusions and recommendations for behaviours. Broadly speaking it seemed selfish, lacking compassion, violent, and absolutist. It seems to recommend reacting rather than responding, which is the opposite of what most of the teachers I respect advise.

Here are some idea I believe. Some of the book recommends the opposite to these ideas.

• Absolutes are rarely true; most things are relative.
• Truth is not binary, it’s on a spectrum.
• Kindness is one of the most important values a human can enact and embody.
• The delivery of a message is very important: it changes how, sometimes if, the message is received. Context is as important as content. Tact is important if your goal is being heard and understood.
• It’s not outward acting that frees you, but inward looking.
• Reactivity is not the same as truth or authenticity, except at a shallow, transient, level.
• Feelings and emotions are real, but not necessarily true. They are important salience signals, but not usually a good guide to truth.
• Raw sense data is not the same as emotions and feelings. We add a story to our raw sense data.
• Holding two seemingly opposite things at once is a skill that can be learned, and is a sign of emotional intelligence and maturity. For example: feeling angry, but being to find some calm.
• Aggressive, graphic, violent, confrontation is not the most productive way forward.

Added 2024-01-20.