Traits

I have, apparently, quite a strong resistance to getting a diagnosis. I think I’m resisting for some of these reasons.

• Treating a fairly arbitrary category as objective truth. A line has been drawn around certain levels of certain traits. But that line could have been drawn somewhere else. (See also: Layers) If it’s useful as context-provider, that’s fine.
  • The category is “empty”. Like the chariot simile. The condition is not one of the traits. It’s not all of the traits. It’s not something separate from the traits. It exists only by convention.
• Not seeing how it would be fruitful for me. Whether the diagnosis is positive or negative, I am still like what I’m like, whatever you call it or name it. My patterns, behaviours, and many and extensive coping mechanisms are what they are.
• It’s reductive. Behaviours and traits are usually the result of a complex web of causes and conditions.
• Framing as disorder. Something being at the edges doesn’t (necessarily) make it a disorder. Variation is the norm for humans. Divergent can have an implied value judgement in it. The idea that there’s a right (or more right) way to be is a cultural construct.
  • Treating it as a fixed condition / state. “It’s just what I’m like.” Well, yes and no. Life is change. Neuroplasticity says our brains can (and do) change. Or: “I can’t change.” We change our behaviour all the time, depending on context. All our behaviours are learned over time, and can be (mostly) unlearned. But also: change does include some things staying the same.
  • It puts “can’t” forward as an option. It can be used an excuse instead of a reason. Things are fairly rarely “can’t”s. They’re more often, more truthfully, won’t or don’t want to or not aligned with my values. Sometimes something feels very difficult, or very awkward, or very upsetting. Those are okay reasons not to do something. But it’s not the same as can’t.
• Not giving the Inner Critic more to work with. Either as a stick to hit me with, or something to use (disingenuously) as an excuse.
• Just me being ornery and not wanting to be put in a box.

A little like: “tall”. What’s “tall”? Above the average? Top 25%? We can’t measure everyone, so how did we decide on the sample size? Does someone in the top 1% of heights have a height disorder? Is there one right height to be?

This ties up with my thinking on Layers and work-related thinking on disability generally: the Think non-binary section of my MAP in particular.

Gathered notes

• Finding social situations difficult and exhausting. (To the point of running away and hiding. This is a big source of avoidant behaviour for me.)
• Finding relationships and emotional regulation difficult and exhausting.
• Often notice small details. (I don’t get bored easily. I often notice difference in things that are “the same”. For example: I am fine eating the same thing for several meals. I am fine walking the same route every day.)
• Sensitive to sound.
• Often deep dive into topics. (Observe my shoeboxes of index cards, my bookshelf, or this site!)
• Like planning, routine, ritual.
• Find change and surprises difficult and uncomfortable.
• Sensitivity to taste. (As a kid I was a very fussy eater)

Social, solo, emotions

• Getting very anxious about social situations
• Comfortable with functional communication (exchanging information), informal conversation (especially small talk, which may be considered inauthentic), can be difficult.
• May find socialising or being around other people exhausting.
• Finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own
• Finding it hard to say how you feel

Interests, noticing, details

• Having a very keen interest in certain subjects or activities
• May have intense interests that appear narrow or even obsessive to family and friends.
• Noticing small details, patterns, smells or sounds that others do not

Routine, ritual, change

• Liking to plan things carefully before doing them
• Having the same routine every day and getting very anxious if it changes
• May insist on sameness and be inflexible about changes to routines. Tend to follow ritualised patterns of behaviours; for example: always dress the same way, or eat only certain foods.
• Strong need for routine and autonomy; and an aversion to change and surprises.

Signs of autism in adults

Main signs of autism

• finding it hard to understand what others are thinking or feeling
• getting very anxious about social situations
• finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own
• seeming blunt, rude or not interested in others without meaning to
• finding it hard to say how you feel
• taking things very literally – for example, you may not understand sarcasm or phrases like “break a leg”
• having the same routine every day and getting very anxious if it changes

Other signs of autism

You may also have other signs, like:

• not understanding social “rules”, such as not talking over people
• avoiding eye contact
• getting too close to other people, or getting very upset if someone touches or gets too close to you
• noticing small details, patterns, smells or sounds that others do not
• having a very keen interest in certain subjects or activities
• liking to plan things carefully before doing them

Traits and characteristics

• Difficulty in social communication
  • Although autistic adults tend to be comfortable with functional communication (exchanging information), informal conversation (especially small talk, which may be considered inauthentic), can be difficult.
• Difficulty interpreting and using nonverbal communication
  • Aspects of body language or gestures that are natural and intuitive for neurotypicals may require conscious effort to learn and reproduce appropriately for autistic people.
• Difficulty developing and maintaining relationships
  • Autistic people may be unsure of how to adjust their behaviour to suit various social contexts and may need explicit guidance on, for example, who is okay to hug and who should just get a hello from a small distance.
• May have stereotyped repetitive motor movements
  • Autistic people may show a range of repetitive movements such as handwringing/flapping, rocking, spinning, pacing, or bouncing (colloquially also called ‘stimming’), in response to certain stimuli or in an attempt to process thoughts and emotions.
• May insist on sameness and be inflexible about changes to routines
  • Autistic people tend to follow ritualised patterns of behaviours; for example, they may have specific greeting rituals, always dress the same way, or eat only certain foods.
• May have intense, narrowly focused interests
  • Autistic people may have intense interests that appear narrow or even obsessive to family and friends.
• May be hyper- or hypo-reactive to sensory input
  • Autistic people process sensory input differently on a neurological level. Most commonly, the sense of hearing is affected, effectively turning up the volume of the world.
• May have a particular talent or enhanced ability
  • Enhanced or ‘savant’ abilities are estimated to be present in 10% of autistic people while being extremely rare (less than 1%) in the non-autistic population*.

Autistic Traits

• Sensory Differences
  • Autistic people experience the world differently. Autistic senses can be more or less intense than non-autistic ones – so autistic people can seem over-sensitive or under-sensitive to various kinds of sensory input.
• Behaviour and Interests:
  • An autism assessment is looking for specific behavioural differences: deep fascinations/passions (or ‘special interests’); repetitive physical behaviours and movements (or stimming); a strong need for routine and autonomy; and an aversion to change and surprises.
• Social Interaction, Language, and Communication:
  • Autistic brains are wired differently to non-autistic brains, and this can be most obvious in social settings. Autistic people may have difficulty navigating conversations with non-autistic folks, or working in a non-autistic group, and they may find socialising or being around other people exhausting.
  • This is largely because autistic communication and social interaction is fundamentally different to non- autistic communication, and autistic people are generally expected to bridge the entire gap themselves – mimicking a non-autistic way of communication and socialising that doesn’t come naturally, while suppressing their automatic reactions, feelings, and ways of communicating.

Added 2024-12-15, last updated 2025-01-06.