Trusting the Gold (and related)

Gathered notes

We have deep conditioning from our culture, our parents, that often implies we’re intrinsically flawed.
Our imperfections are part of us, but they don’t define us.
- Let go of the anxiety about your imperfections.
- We just have patterns and conditioned identification (especially with our built-in negativity bias).
Don’t try and fight, argue with, the inner critic.
- Self-blame, self-hatred, pushing away, creates a barrier.
- Bring attention to the pain and unmet needs that they are trying to help with.
- Mindfully recognise and bring compassion to the parts of our selves we’ve ignored, condemned, pushed away.
- “What wants attention or acceptance right now?”
Accept life, just as it is.
- Whatever we can’t embrace with love imprisons us.
- Meet your edge and soften.

Culture, parents, often communicate that to be loved and approved we need to look and act a certain way.
- We sense we’re intrinsically flawed. We worry others will find out.
- The Western creation myth says: I am bad, I am falling short, I am wrong.
  - This conditioning goes deep.
All beings have a negativity bias for survival, but humans make it a problem by identifying with it.
- We tend to get down on ourselves about our conditionings.
  - It’s not personal.
Not “bad self”, but patterns, conditioned identification.
Self-blame and self-hatred divides us from ourself. Self-forgiving reconnects us.
- Pushing away creates a barrier.
- Trying to hide feelings deepens our separation from others.

Bring attention to the judge and the judged.
- Notice what your strategy is to deal with pain.
It doesn’t help to fight the judge. Ask: how are you trying to help?
- Have an inner coach instead of inner critic.
- Let go of the anxiety about your imperfections.
- Check if judging yourself works. (Spoilers: it doesn’t!)
- Our bad behaviours come from unmet needs.
Accept life, just as it is.
- Whatever we can’t embrace with love imprisons us.
Mindfully recognise and bring compassion to the parts of our being we’ve ignored, condemned, pushed away.
We’re not defined by our imperfections.
- They’re part of us.
- They’re learned patterns of behaviours.
Ask: who would you be if you didn’t believe there was something wrong with you?

RAIN. If you struggle one of the steps of RAIN, slow down.
- Express the “I” of RAIN with your face and posture.
Meet your edge and soften.
Pause and ask “What am I believing?”
Ask yourself “What would be enough?”
Further inquire “What wants attention or acceptance right now?”

Added 2024-12-22.