Ten Fields of Zen, Field 7 – Opening Your Heart: Self-Acceptance and Non-Separation

Self and other are not separate. Practice is manifesting and realising this.
Broaden the circle of whom you can turn to with an unconditional open heart.
- The broader your circle, the more stable, peaceful, and joyful your life will be.
Our practice is to respond appropriately to the things that come easily to us as human beings: being defensive, angry, irritated, suspicious, judgmental, and competitive.
When you find compassion limited or blocked, expand your attention beyond someone’s immediate distress to their situation as a whole.
Equanimity - Keeping the largest possible perspective, creating a bigger container to hold everything.
When you try to extend unconditional goodwill toward yourself, you’re likely to encounter resistance from negative narratives about yourself.
Everything is grist for the mill, all aspects of being a weird human.
The place to start practicing with a relationship is to carefully examine your attitude toward the other person.
- What thoughts, beliefs, emotions, fears, or hopes do you have that seem to be resulting in unmet needs or conflict?
- Notice your expectations about how people “should” behave.
- Transform your expectations into lightly held hopes.
- This shifts your attention from insufficiency to the possibility of gratitude.
Everyone is on their own path. Everyone’s bad behaviours arises from their struggles, not their attitude to you.

Gathered notes

Ultimately, self and other are not separate; in practice, you seek to manifest and realize this simultaneously.
broaden the circle of beings toward whom you can turn with an unconditional open heart. The broader your circle, the more stable, peaceful, and genuinely joyful your life will be. So much time and energy can be wasted on useless defensiveness, judgment, competitiveness, comparison, resentment, and skepticism!
the gifts of goodwill, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity are not things given to others by the small self from a limited store of positive energy, but are the manifestation of positive energy flowing through the universe as long as you don’t obstruct them.
Ill-will comes easily to human beings. Given our assumption of separateness, we are quick to become defensive, angry, irritated, suspicious, judgmental, and competitive with one another. Our practice isn’t to beat ourselves up about the arising of these emotions; they’re just part of our human nature. Our practice is to respond appropriately to them
When you find compassion limited or blocked, it may help to expand your attention beyond someone’s immediate distress to their situation as a whole.
Equanimity - Keeping the largest possible perspective, creating a bigger container to hold everything,
finding ground to stand on that doesn’t depend on anything.
Equanimity is expansive and warm, and contains goodwill, compassion, and sympathetic joy in abundance.
In your efforts to extend goodwill, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity to all beings, you’re likely to run into a significant obstacle: A lack of ability to extend those attitudes toward yourself.
When you try to extend unconditional goodwill toward yourself, you’re likely to encounter resistance based on whatever negative narratives about yourself you are carrying. You may encounter visceral self-loathing. You may encounter dismissiveness, disgust, judgment, and stinginess.
All being is Buddha-Nature, and your individual imperfections are irrelevant to it – except that, once you perceive your true nature, all aspects of your quirky human manifestation become tools for the Dharma.
It is commonly said in Zen that “It’s easy to be enlightened off on a remote mountaintop” but that the true state of your practice is quickly revealed when you return to life among others.
you carefully discern what choices you have available to you for nurturing or improving a relationship regardless of external circumstances or your emotional karmic responses.
The place to start practicing with a relationship is to carefully examine your attitude toward the other person. What thoughts, beliefs, emotions, fears, or hopes do you have that seem to be resulting in unmet needs or conflict?
Try not to judge or censor yourself as you contemplate this question; your responses don’t have to be rational or noble for them to be sincere and painful.
the truth is that even our best relationships will never satisfy all our needs all the time. Can you transform your expectation into a lightly held hope?
This shifts your attention from insufficiency to the possibility of gratitude.
If you can manage to cultivate the Brahmaviharas toward the people in your life, it helps you recognize that they are on their own path and their life doesn’t center around you.
their less-than-ideal behavior arises because of their own struggles, not because they don’t care about or respect you.
Open Heart maximizes your ability to respond appropriately and compassionately. This gives you a chance to uncover the false view(s) that are giving rise to Dukkha – probably in the form of expectations about how people should behave.

Raw highlights

Ultimately, self and other are not separate; in practice, you seek to manifest and realize this simultaneously.
Buddhism has always emphasized that a generous attitude of goodwill toward all beings is not just a prerequisite for practice, it’s the evidence of successful practice and one of the defining qualities of an awakened person.
deliberately cultivate the qualities of an enlightened heart. This doesn’t require you to start from scratch, it simply requires you to broaden the circle of beings toward whom you can turn with an unconditional open heart. The broader your circle, the more stable, peaceful, and genuinely joyful your life will be. So much time and energy can be wasted on useless defensiveness, judgment, competitiveness, comparison, resentment, and skepticism!
The Buddha taught the importance of the four Brahmaviharas, or sublime social attitudes: Goodwill, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity.
the stories you tell yourself about needing to hold on to your ill-will, hard-heartedness, envy, and anger are deluded and harmful. Now, it may be very difficult for you to extend the Brahmaviharas to certain people – it may even feel close to impossible – but that’s another matter entirely.
You discover that the gifts of goodwill, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity are not things given to others by the small self from a limited store of positive energy, but are the manifestation of positive energy flowing through the universe as long as you don’t obstruct them.
Ill-will comes easily to human beings. Given our assumption of separateness, we are quick to become defensive, angry, irritated, suspicious, judgmental, and competitive with one another. Our practice isn’t to beat ourselves up about the arising of these emotions; they’re just part of our human nature. Our practice is to respond appropriately to them
When you find compassion limited or blocked, it may help to expand your attention beyond someone’s immediate distress to their situation as a whole.
When you witness someone’s success or happiness, watch what happens in your body and mind. Chances are good you immediately start thinking about yourself even if you smile and congratulate someone.
Equanimity is what gives you the ability to remain strong and keep your heart open no matter what happens. It’s difficult to describe the experience of this Brahmavihara, so what springs to my mind is a bunch of metaphors and descriptions, none of which exactly nail it: Keeping the largest possible perspective, creating a bigger container to hold everything, taking refuge in the unconditional truth of our lives, or finding ground to stand on that doesn’t depend on anything.
It’s absolutely essential to differentiate equanimity from indifference or pity. Equanimity is expansive and warm, and contains goodwill, compassion, and sympathetic joy in abundance.

In your efforts to extend goodwill, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity to all beings, you’re likely to run into a significant obstacle: A lack of ability to extend those attitudes toward yourself.
When you try to extend unconditional goodwill toward yourself, you’re likely to encounter resistance based on whatever negative narratives about yourself you are carrying. You may encounter visceral self-loathing. You may encounter dismissiveness, disgust, judgment, and stinginess.
All being is Buddha-Nature, and your individual imperfections are irrelevant to it – except that, once you perceive your true nature, all aspects of your quirky human manifestation become tools for the Dharma.
It is commonly said in Zen that “It’s easy to be enlightened off on a remote mountaintop” but that the true state of your practice is quickly revealed when you return to life among others.
any progress you can make toward your aspirations reduces the conflict in your life, helps you feel more connected, and opens your heart. This progress improves your relationships and creates the conditions for deeper practice and insight.
Practice is something you add to your usual approach to relationships … you carefully discern what choices you have available to you for nurturing or improving a relationship regardless of external circumstances or your emotional karmic responses.
The place to start practicing with a relationship is to carefully examine your attitude toward the other person. What thoughts, beliefs, emotions, fears, or hopes do you have that seem to be resulting in unmet needs or conflict?
Try not to judge or censor yourself as you contemplate this question; your responses don’t have to be rational or noble for them to be sincere and painful. Chances are you will find that, at some level, you are expecting the other person to meet your needs for things like security, affection, affirmation, respect, fairness, companionship, or intimacy. You may feel justified in your expectations, but the truth is that even our best relationships will never satisfy all our needs all the time. Can you transform your expectation into a lightly held hope? “I expect you to treat me with respect,” becomes, “It would bring me joy if you treated me with respect.” This shifts your attention from insufficiency to the possibility of gratitude.
If you can manage to cultivate the Brahmaviharas toward the people in your life, it helps you recognize that they are on their own path and their life doesn’t center around you. As you practice sending them sincere, unconditional goodwill, compassion, and sympathetic joy, you become better able to perceive how often their less-than-ideal behavior arises because of their own struggles, not because they don’t care about or respect you. You develop some degree of equanimity in a relationship when you are able to view it from a larger perspective; you don’t have to win every argument, and every relationship goes through rough patches.
you can learn to trust that an Open Heart maximizes your ability to respond appropriately and compassionately.
Sangha practice is sometimes called “potato practice,” because if you want to clean a bunch of potatoes, you can dump them in a big bucket of water and swish them around. As they knock into one another, they clean each other off!
There certainly may come a time when it’s best for you to leave a Sangha, but unless ethical violations are occurring within the community, profound lessons can be learned from sticking it out. Your dissatisfaction with your Sangha is likely to be – at least in part – a form of Dukkha. This gives you a chance to uncover the false view(s) that are giving rise to Dukkha – probably in the form of expectations about how people should behave, or ideals about a perfect community that meets all your needs and makes you feel loved and appreciated at all times.

From 288 – Ten Fields of Zen, Field 7 – Opening Your Heart: Self-Acceptance and Non-Separation (1 of 2) and 289 – Ten Fields of Zen, Field 7 – Opening Your Heart: Self-Acceptance and Non-Separation (2 of 2)

Added 2025-01-04, last updated 2025-01-06.